给那个爱我的她：

几句简单的字，几句心底话已足以让我感动万分，泪流不止。
我从未离开，何来距离？？！！
俗语说：心与心的距离才是最遥远的，
就算今日我站在你眼前但心思却不在，你有何感想？

我也许人在他处，可心却从未离开。。。
“树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不待”，
我也害怕此谚语发生于我身上，可我有其他选择吗？
多少的夜晚我独自流泪
多少的夜晚我梦见了他们
梦醒后的我泪流不止
只身在外，从众朋直到孤身一人
心酸与心伤有谁知

我不知道是否今日的辛苦与牺牲换取来的未来能否让他们骄傲，
我不知道是否未来的我会怨恨今日的我
我不知道是否如今的我做了对的选择
有太多的不知道却不能让我就此拐道而行，
因为能有今日的我是他们多年的辛泪而换取的
如这一切都不在我的考量之中，那我还能配做他们的儿女吗？

今日的距离并非距离
今日的失去并非失去
今日的痛苦并非痛苦
今日的幸福并非幸福

感谢那个为我制造一双翅膀的他们
感谢那个为我加油的那个油站
感谢那个不辞劳苦为我照顾工匠们的那个她
也感谢那个让我栖搂的避风港

对我，一定要有信心
我并非忘根的人
我，一定要成为他们将来的一个避风湾
我，一定会做到
这，会是我们的约定！！

Situation

Have you ever wonder where will you be IF ... ? People always like to say IF I do this, IF I where there... for me, I try not to regret on every steps of my life. How do I do that? I always weight my options and make the best decision I can.
My life right now is a mess! Never in my life I feel so loss and have no idea what I should be doing next. I'm sure this is one of the process of growing; somehow I just can't get over how overwhelmed I'm right now. First, I really feel excited that I'm finally graduated. Then, I THOUGHT I'll be easily get a job and start my normal life as a grown person. After some times of looking for job and wondering around, I loss my purpose and feel useless of doing nothing right now.
The pass few days I was talking to few people who influence me a lot in the past years. I found out that making a right decision now is not that hard. I had became a me that All I need to do is to find back the old me and do the right decision that is BEST for me, MYSELF and no one else. Is $$$ all I wanted or career? right now, it is $$$$. Without it, I have no idea how am I gonna survive.
Everything will be put aside for this few months, after that I'll make my decision whether I will be going back to my family or not... and that... will be the decision that gonna change my life....

失去的友情，換來了幸福。。。

這篇東西已在我的文件箱中一年多了，當初寫招這篇文章時心中是怨，是恨的。但如今回首，心中的怨恨竟已消失不見。SURPRISE!!!lol...也不知爲何今日心血來潮就把它POST了出來。。。

事情发生了三个月后的今天，我终于愿意说出自己的心声了。。。在这三个月中，我失去了身边得好朋友们。为什么？我也不知道，大概是因为“误会”这两个子吧！！为何不说明？嗯。。。在经过我自己左思右想后，终于有了这样的结论：因为我身边有个他，一个愿意抚平我心中那把愤怒的火的他，一个愿意替我疗伤的他，一个。。。改变了我的他！是他让我放下一切，带我跳出我封闭了二十三年的框框，让我明白了何谓以平静之心对待所有的事情才能看得更清澈，更能以旁观者清看待每一件事情。
整件事情的开始应该是发生于暑假快结束的时候，当时我们一伙已说好要到迪斯尼乐园，而他也把他的女友（我称她为“乙”）接来与我们会和一同去游玩。就在他接了乙后不久，他就发现了乙可能对他不忠而跟乙闹得有些不愉快。当时，我和我的一位很要好的同性朋友（我称她为“丙”）就为他打抱不平，认为乙非常不应该，之所以我们两人就处处针对乙，保护着他。后来就在路途中，他和乙分手了。一直到我们回到了学校，我们都保护着他不被乙纠缠，他也就开始呆在我们现在居住的地方。刚开始收留他的时候，心里都抱着帮好朋友的态度，心中也没多余的想法。
也就在当时，另一件事情也在发生中。曾经在我心中占了很重要的他（我称他为“甲”）开始对我有所行动，希望我们之间能回到从前的那种关系。当时的我心中确实有过感动，有考虑过我们之间或许真的还有可能，因为那时我的心中也还真的只有甲一人。只可惜当时的他因为醋劲大发，没能真真的看清我心中的想法。也就这样，甲开始和乙与乙的室友变得很要好，甚至开始在我背后说我的不是。当时心里真的很难过，还以为自认还爱着我的他会护着我，不会说我的坏话，但结果却让我彻底的失望。那时，他还和甲称兄道弟，他也以为甲会护着我们而不是在我们背后中伤我们。期间，甲曾经约我喝茶，对我说出他心中的感受，更希望我能再次接受他，我却拒绝了他。对甲，我当时只知道我已想放开了，因为在那之前我给了甲很多次的机会，甚至我们私底下还一直有见面，但甲都一直拒绝两人在回一起，说他想要开始新生活，也表明了他已不想和我再在一起。对于我们经常私底下见面，我真的不知道当时甲是抱着什么样的心态，是可怜我？享受？还是所谓的"take it for granted".真不知后来为何他能把自己变成受害者！！！更可恶的是那时的他私底下与我很要好，但在背后竟将我贬得一文不值。这件事我也是到最近才知道。这也就是直到今天我还无法原谅他的一点。甲在我心中已成为“多面人”，一个我再也不认识，也不想再认识的人。
事情也就这样开始一发不可收拾。我和他开始变得形影不离，而也开始减少和其他人在一起。当时，周围的人开始变得不谅解我们，开始对我们实行隔离政册。刚开始，我们还不以为意，以为过一阵子事情就会过去，但不久之后我们便开始发现事态严重。那时我们都发现始终庸者是甲，所以他认为只要和甲谈谈也许事情就会有所转变。但我们错了，事情不但没好转，反而变得更糟。之后，他在找甲谈第二次，希望能改变些什么，但我们都大错特错，他不但没领悟反而令我们再次的失望。就因为知道事态严重，而甲也不可靠，他建议大家约在一起把事情讲清楚。但事情并没有因此而解决，因为大家都抱着是我们两人的错，我们因该为此而向大家道歉，也应该变得行为检点（哈哈哈哈！！这是我个人讽刺的想法）。我们承认我们有错，但并非他们认为的严重的错。
说到错，我想大家都有错吧！以下是我们对当晚谈话的回顾：
（由于大家一幅把我们当成罪犯来看待，所以我称他们为评判一至四）
评判一（丁）：一开始便和此事无关联，只是后来成为大家的“代言人”。一开始我们都以为丁是最理智的人，最能保持着中立态度的一个人，竟成了一个帮大家把事情rationalized的人。虽然如此，我们并没有因此而怀疑过我们之间的友谊。
评判二：根本就不明白为何她会牵连在内。但却也是其中一个双面人.如今和丙很好,但丙却不知道她曾经是评判二最不喜欢的那个.哈!真不知该怎么说...
评判三(丙):认为好朋友的建立是用相处的时间来衡量.对她,我只能说她并没符合我字典里的"朋友"的定义.身为朋友,是不该在其背后说其坏话,还一幅理所当然的样子.之前对我的态度总是忽冷忽热,对于她,我常常都不知该怎么应付她.这件事已不是她第一次这样.若真要批评的话,之前她和她的好朋友一曾经很讨厌她如今的另一位好朋友二，但后来却翻脸如翻书一样，转个身，如今和好友二好得不得了。在之前，也因为好友一的关系讨厌另一位女生，事后当我告知事情真相后就和那位女生好回。如今轮到了我。。。本身的态度...哎...
评判四（甲）：他应该不算是评判吧！（因为我认为他没资格！）当时的我们以为他会为我们说好话，但他不但没那么做，还认真的扮演着评判的角色，审判起我们。对于他我已说够了。
事情就这样，当晚我们都不欢而散。至今，大家的关系依然僵持着，但我们两人却不一样了。多亏了大家的隔离，我们变得更珍惜对方更愛彼此。至今，我仁然覺得問心無愧，也自覺當初有做好自己“朋友“的本分。今日的我真的很幸福，非常感謝一直陪在我身邊的他和在遠方一直支持我的朋友們！心中的傷也已好得快不見疤了！呵呵。。。願大家能像我一樣患難見真情，找到屬於自已的幸福！

Winter Break

This winter break I spend a lot of my time travelling around. For me, this is really good as I finally make my dream come truth. Not only that, I had made a lot of new friends~ and guess what, those new friends I had made know each other! That's amazing isn't it?! As I said ealier "This is a small small world"!
I actually spend about three weeks in California. In between, I went to Las Vegas, San Francisco, Disneyland, and of course I stay in Los Angelas. Then I came back to Eau Claire and stay in my host family's house and waiting for my friend, Ivan to come over.
After Ivan reached Eau claire, we went to Madison for visiting my friends. Madison is a big city and we had a lot of fun there. Thank you Bernard and Yi Jing for planning all the activities for us while we visited them. By the way, I actually does something that is very new to me - the ice skating!! Whohoooo~~ Althought I havent get how to do it, it still so fun for me and I didnt give up in learning it!! That's good right?! I thnk so~ hahahahaha...
Now, Ivan went to his host family's house already and I'll spend few more days in my host family's house before I get back to my dorm.. I don't want to study~~~~ die~~~ this winter break had killed all my hardworking and brought laziness to me.. haiz...
Anyway, this is a brand new year for me and I wanted to make some changes in this year. Happy New Year to everyone and wish your dreams come truth!!!!

Christmas

Today I went to a farm to cut the christmas tree with my host family. Around 3pm, my host dad come to pick me and my host sister from tower, then we went to pick up my host mum. After that, we took about 15 to 20 minutes to reach the farm.
When we reach the farm, the worker in that farm come to us and ask what kind of tree are we looking for. Then we ride on a track to go to the farm. We get to chose the size of the tree we want and cut it off our selve.
It's a new experience for me as the people in Malaysia never celebrate Christmas and I had never have a chance to cut Christmas tree and decorating it before. It's a fun trip to the farm although it is freezing out there.

Chicago Trip

Last thursday I went to Chicago. It is a four days three nights trip. We went there in thursday morning and come back sunday evening.
Chicago is a big city, the most thing I like about Chicago is that Chicago got a lot of beautiful building. All of these buldings are very unique and you hard to see it in another town.
I went to the art museum on the third day of the trip. Altough I'm not an art student, but still I can see how great are the pictures, and how great are the artist who can make such incredible works.
I'm having fun in these 4 days trip and I really want to thanks my parent for made my dream come true, which is study oversea.

Parents should pay atention to their child

Today I read about a news that was really freaking me out in CCTV.com. The news was about there are two elementary school's teachers in China had sexually assault few ten female students.Can you believe that? This is so horrable...
Teachers suppose to be the person that teach children to be good and teach them new things about the world. Accordingly, children usually spent one third of their time in schools; therefore, schools should be healthy and a place that parents trust is the best place for their kids to learn something.
However, these two FXXKing ShXX animal like men were breaking those child's life. They would never know how it would deeply hurt the child, and the child will psychologically hurt forever. What would happen to them when they grow up? How do they suppose to face their life? How are they going to trust other people anymore? Those girls were just only 7 to 8 years old! I saw their parents crying and so angry about the teachers, but do they really realise that they also should be responsible for this incident? If they were giving enough attention to their children, they would have already stop these teachers, and they might had already save other children from this.
Other than this, I saw another news about a 12 years old girl being raped in an old folk house and this had continuously for 3 years. The girl's aunt was the one that found out the story behind when she feels the girl had something different when she visited them. Her aunt her if she was sick and she told her aunt that she got a "bag" in her body. When her aunt found out that she was pregnant, she didn't even know what is that mean! What the hell is happen to these old men? The girl was so young, and she is just 15 years old that year!!! Now, she's already 18 years old.
Hmm... I'm completely pissed off after I watch these news. How can people be so meant to others? How can these people never think what would happen to these child after those incident? I'm feeling bad for those kids. These were only a small part of the truth, and nobody know how many children are being hurt everyday... How sad it is...